Stop and Smell the Roses

One Year Apart

Day to day, you can’t always tell what’s happening to your body. A year later, I am still wearing all the same clothes, BUT look at how different that shirt looks. Wow.

When you are on a weight loss journey like this, you have to stop and take notice. Because I will tell you from experience — when you don’t stop to smell the roses… well… the roses can DIE. Like, literally wither away when you are not looking. You end up with dead roses and thorny soil, and it sucks. It sucks SO bad. Am I being dramatic?

No.

Working so hard for months to lose a few pounds, only to backslide, is one of the absolute worst feelings you can have. It’s the guilt and the shame — an awful, heavy, depressing, nasty feeling that overshadows everything you do and feel. One of the WW sayings I repeat in my mind often is "Protect Your Progress" - it is so very important!

Honestly, for me, having to lose weight feels like the one thing that prevents me from living my best life. I have worked so hard to create a happy and healthy home for me and my family, yet this feeling of failure lingers over my head.

I know I am not perfect, but I will honestly say this: I was a good teacher. I could feel it, and parents shared that with me. I put my love and dedication into that work. I was — and AM — a good mom. Not perfect, but my husband and I have provided our kids with a safe space to be themselves, support when they need it, and independence when they are ready. Even though our kids are struggling right now, deep down I know they are good — and we did good.

BUT… loving myself is the hardest thing I have to do.

Being kind to myself is easy. I give myself all kinds of grace — excuses to rest, to take it easy, to reward myself with treats. But this isn’t really kindness. In the long run, it’s hurtful. So how do you show yourself love? Really — I want to know. What does loving yourself in a healthy way actually look like? There has to be balance. It’s not that what I do to be kind to myself is wrong — it’s simply the frequency that needs changing.

Taking Zepbound has been a true eye-opener for me. When I’m not hungry or craving things, I can go a long time without food before I feel the need to eat. It shows me that my body does not need all those calories to function. That said, you still need to fuel your body with what it needs — protein, vitamins, electrolytes. Without that, people can experience hair loss, fatigue, poor skin, or muscle loss — things that can happen with any weight loss if you’re not careful. My weight loss hasn’t been rapid. It’s slow and steady, and personally, that feels better. I don’t feel like my body is in a stress reaction.

What scares me is that even knowing all of this, is the hope. Having hope for the first time in.. boy, such a loooong time is scary. I haven't believed that I can actually lose the weight in easily over a decade. Living with this drug now, is giving me hope again and I can start to visualize the dream of being more active and having less anxiety... but having hope can be scary.

Zepbound has been a miracle drug for me because it makes me feel sane. I can function without thinking about — and reliving — EVERY SINGLE food choice I make or don’t make. My brain simply works differently now, and that has been a gift. It isn’t a magic pill, though. You still have to do the work — it’s just manageable now. And that’s only because I don’t experience the severe side effects some people do. For the most part, nausea or constipation has been manageable and infrequent, making the pros far greater than the cons. Especially because I’m one of the lucky ones with insurance — because the cost is truly the greatest con of all.

So after all of that…

I’ve lost 30 pounds with the help of Zepbound and my WeightWatchers community. My next 30 pounds will put me right around the 200-pound mark. And when I get under 200 pounds, it will literally feel like an immense amount of weight has been lifted off my knees and lower back. With continued effort, I hope that comes to fruition. I am proud of myself for acknowledging that I needed help, and for not being ashamed that I needed it. Cheers to 30 pounds gone — 30 pounds of dumbbells I no longer have to carry up the stairs every day. Actually… I’m going to try that and see how much harder it is. Why don’t you try it with me? How much harder is it to carry that weight up the stairs?

Now imagine carrying 60 pounds! Oh, to have hope, is a scary thing, but so very worth it.