Perimenopause is Kicking my A$$ or shall I say V@gin@?

UGH! Are you in one of the menopauses? If yes, let's do a collective yell - 1...2...3 - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Now, breathe in through the nose slowly for a count of 6, hold as long as you can............... and breathe out fast through the mouth. Do that one or two more times and then we can continue with this conversation.

I am in perimenopause, so have the joys of still getting my period. Let me tell you they have been doozies for me the last few times. I hear some people have the opposite, and dear reader, I sure hope that is/was you. This sucks! I feel like a teenager in the 80's without internet who does not know how to control her period. My period surprises me because even though I am tracking it, it is not on schedule... Renfrew scrapbooking day - guess what, you will be greeted with a maximum flow menstrual cycle you weren't expecting for 5 more days.

I am not in the mood to scrapbook yet, so I go to Tim Horton's and get a coffee, used the bathroom (surprise, ugh, white panties, too - damnit). Your purse, although usually stocked with Advil and tampons, only seems to have 3.5 Advil's, but many Gravol, and only 2 regular, yellow tampons. I take 2 Advil, and tampon number one is in use, but no pads. I decide to do some window shopping before I head to the scrapbook venue and let these cramps dissipate. I quickly realize I already need the bathroom again, after only thrifting for 20 minutes. I figure the public library likely has a public bathroom, so head there and to my lovely surprise they had FREE lady products. So I grabbed a pad and Green Super tampon and figured I will be set for awhile. Thank you public libraries - you rock! I shop at the cutest little cottage store and then a nearby plant store and decide I need some food. I am referred to a local bakery called Bonnechere Bakery and it had lovely options including this melt in your mouth Roast Beef Griller that was heavenly. Being I had my "Aunt from the Red River" visiting, I was not in the mood to be on Weightwatchers today and so also enjoyed a Maple Latte AND some sort of fabulous shortbread square. Stupid hormones make you do all sorts of dumb things, like enjoy sugar when you are not supposed to be. As I leave there, I realize... I am going to need a drugstore and more of those green tampons - sigh!

I head to the rink where the scrapbook event is being held, stock up my purse with 6 magical green wands and am happily greeted by my friends (I mean I am only 4 hours late from the starting time). I slowly find my groove and scrapbooked for about 6 hours fairly straight. I get up to browse the 2 scrapbooking stores on site, eat the rest of my lunch at about 5:00 and go to the bathroom at least... every HOUR! My God! I used all 6 of those magic green wands and needed to hit the stash again before I left for the 45 minute drive home - ridiculous! I had taken my last 1.5 Advils earlier in the day, so was cramping pretty good by the time I got home. I didn't realize I was almost out or would have bought more at the pharmacy earlier. Anyhow, I made it home safe and sound with a gorgeous sunset in my rearview mirror.

That evening, as I sleep, I had to get up to change my tampon 2 more times AND I still leaked through onto my sheets - bringing back crazy high school memories. This has not happened to me for years, like 3 decades really and this past year, it is back. That uncontrollable flow. I am ready for this "Auntie" to leave any time. Good bye forever Auntie Flow - I will not miss you in the slightest. Thank you for bringing me my 2 wonderful babies, but I am and have been done with you for SOOOO long. Hit the bricks already!

This post doesn't even talk about my joint pain, itchy ears, cramps, sore back, fatigue, excessive sleep... just the period bleeding itself is enough - seriously, enough already! Bring on the full menopause, baby! Readers, my wish for you is a gentle release into the world of Postmenopause - please feel free to share your stories in the comments.