What is wrong with me?

Ever ask yourself that question? I do. And usually not in a medical way, but a WTF did I just do that for way. Today at WeightWatchers our leader, Martha, hi Martha, was talking about neuroplasticity and being able to change the way our brain thinks about things, rewiring it I guess you could say. As a teacher, we talked a lot about Growth Mindset over the last 10 years and one of the words we tried to teach our students was the word YET.

Words do hold power. And as adults, what we say to ourselves (and our children) daily matters. I know, I need to lift myself up. I need to feel worthy. Worthy of what? Worthy of people's attention. Worthy of spending time on myself for myself. Worthy of the time, effort and money I need to spend to lose weight. As a mom and teacher, I have spent so much of my time focused on others, that I have always been the last priority. Don't get me wrong, I chose that. I WANT to help others, I live for it, it makes me feel good. It warms my heart, gives me purpose and helps me feel more confident about myself - I have chosen to prioritize others. But now that I am retired AND my children are gone from home, I have no more excuses to not focus on myself. It is time to love myself and... sometimes that is hard.

Here is another image we saw at school, the Iceberg Illusion. This can be used for so many different things, but if I take it to weight loss specifically it is a real eye opener. People only see the outside image of you and if you look skinnier or chubbier than when they last saw you and some will judge based on what you order at the restaurant or eat at the party, "no wonder she gains so much weight, she hasn't left the chip bowl all night." Below the iceberg there is SO much going on. My mind alone never stops thinking about food choices, what I am eating next, if I will feel guilty about that, how sad I feel that I am not eating the fun food and on and on. The term food noise has become more well known after Oprah did her "Shame, Blame and the Weight Loss Revolution Special" talking about how GLP-1 medications can block that food noise and what a difference that makes for people trying to lose weight. Thinking about what I SHOULD be doing and the shame that goes with being too tired to actually do it is also huge. You try to start new habits or routines and something comes up after 4 days and then it takes 10 days before you get the nerve to even try again. You avoid socials or outings so you don't have to make the choices or because you don't have any clothes that fit the occasion... Below the iceberg is a deep dark place for many people who are obese.

I am happy to report, I am in a very good spot right now. Mindset is a big deal and I have been working on mine. I am working on consistency of habits and by having good habits, I feel better. When I feel better and am rested, I can make better choices. It is a circle. I feel more productive and in general my body feels pretty good. I am enjoying my days and not feeling guilty. This has only been for 2 weeks. And in those 2 weeks my mindset truly is shifting. If I could bottle how I feel right now and drink it every day, I know I would be successful on my mission to lose 100 lbs.

The growth mindset is where I need to stay. I need to keep correcting the negative self-talk and speak to myself as if I was a child. What would I have said to one of my students if they spoke about themselves that way? Why can't I say those same words to myself? I can! I can say those words to myself, I just don't.... yet!