Being a Mom is Hard Work

Many people think being a mom stops at a certain age. I mean they aren't kids forever, right? We encourage them to be independent and to blossom and grow... we nurse or bottle feed, change dirty bums, wash clothes, make food, clean the house, register them in activities, buy them instruments or science kits, we teach them to read and write, how to be polite and say sorry. We start leaving them home alone, they babysit for others, they get a job, they drive a car, they graduate high school, they fly the bird's nest and go away to school or get a job and save money to get their own place.... but when do we stop worrying? How do we know when it is okay to let them fall and when they need to be picked up or given an assist?

This job of being a mom constantly changes. I mean, you grow with the job and learn as you go, but why are there so many different scenarios you have never been trained for? My website is called Laura Learns because I really feel we learn from making mistakes... and for the record science agrees, we actually fire more neurons and solidify our thinking and understanding when we have to problem solve through things. But the thought of making mistakes when parenting is just scary! Sure, we can make small mistakes, you buy the wrong size shoes, you forget to buy a gift for their friend's party, you burn the pancakes, you give them too much pop and they throw up... we've all been there. Right?

I think as the "kids" get older, the problems get harder. They may not need you as frequently, but when they do the issues seem to be, well, bigger.

Right now, Jasmine is going through some pretty major anxiety. I share this with her permission. It has affected her sleep, her eating and her new job. The transition from school to working woman is real. She was super lucky to find a full time gig right out of school, but that meant no break, no rest, no reflection, just full throttle into working mode and I think it simply shocked her system into not working properly anymore. She likes her work, she likes her boss, she likes her hours... but all of a sudden the thought of needing to do anything is a daunting, monumental task that creates tears, fear, nausea and in the end pure exhaustion. The poor kid feels broken. As a parent, this is brutal to watch, of course you want to fix it (and she wants to fix it), but we can't.

We have slowly been taking a number of steps to try and "defeat" it, but it takes time and that is very frustrating. With the help of counselling, the walk-in clinic, medication, sleeping pills, and me, the mom taking the train down to Toronto to try and help get her, and her partner's, lives back on track - clean the kitchen, help with laundry, get groceries, do the cooking, take her for short walks... she is starting to see some improvement. The sleeping pills kicked in and she got some sleep. Her appetite is slowly starting to come back and she can eat more than a few bites at any given meal. She is getting about an hour of work done each day (thankfully her boss has gone through something similar and is very understanding, Derek - you rock!) I ended up bringing her home with me as she really wasn't ready to take care of herself yet, so the last week she has been snuggling with her family and watching movies, eating home cooked meals and taking a break. She even got to go camping with us in our new trailer this weekend. The anxiety meds may take another week or two to fully kick in, but she is seeing improvement. Her next step is to follow up with the doctor to see if she needs to up her dosage or if she should try to take her pill at night. She finds she is still crying almost every morning and having a real tough time until almost 2:00 p.m. each day.

Today, I sent her back to Toronto on the train after a week at home. She needs to see her man and test what she can do on her own again. Next Friday she has her convocation from York University. She finished with a Bachelor's Degree in Film Production with a minor in Creative Writing and already has a job working for a production company. She will be busy in the next few months healing and looking for a new apartment. Please send her good vibes. The whole family will be back together in less than 10 days for her grad, so fingers crossed that she keeps showing tiny bits of improvement and can enjoy her big day.

My heart goes out to all you moms out there and the worries we are always going through. I don't think that ever goes away, does it mom?