Bird Launching and Early Retirement

I like referring to myself as a bird launcher, as opposed to an empty nester. I think it sounds more positive, like "hey, I did this!" My kids are independent and can now live on their own, look at me and what I did. An empty nest sounds lonely and quiet. For me launching my last bird came at the same time as retiring. I was a middle school teacher for 23 years. By the time you add in my schooling and internships, I was in education for 27 years. It is very odd to report, I do not miss it, because I truly loved being a teacher.

People ask you how you are enjoying retirement and what you are doing. The awesome thing is, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. You can sleep in, stay in your jammies and do puzzles, watch TV and eat cereal for supper if you want to, and yes, some days I do that. For me I like variety. I don't need to stay busy all the time, I can certainly be lazy and relax without problems, however I like to have plans with friends and socialize, too. I think some people have a tough time in retirement because they don't have hobbies (life is family and work) and they aren't a big fan of joining clubs. This part for me was easy, I am a planner and organizer, so if there isn't something already planned somewhere else, I can just plan an activity myself. So far after being retired 1 1/2 years, I have:

• Moved my son into the dorm at Carleton

• Started a once week date night (at home) with my hubby

• Joined a curling league once a week

• Joined WW and attend a meeting once a week

• Became part of the executive for the Retired Women Teachers of Ottawa

• Started selling Creative Memories and made my way to level 3

• Will be as of next month, hosting 2 monthly scrapbook clubs

• Joined the Katimavik retired teachers breakfast club

• Started this website from Scratch

• Started a YouTube channel with videos

• Decorated my newly renovated basement

• Showcased a piece of artwork in public for the first time

• Hosted my niece for a 3 week long visit in October 2023

• Traveled to Florida for 2 weeks in April, 2023

• Went on a solo trip to Toronto and stayed with my daughter for a week

• Went on a road trip to see New Kids on the Block with my friend Sheri

• Went on a road trip to a multi day scrapbook event with my friend Mary Jane

• Had my mom and sisters visit for a week in October 2024

You can see I am not bored, but in reality I still have lots of down time and sleep-in every day. The hardest part for me was honestly before I quit work... it was when my daughter left home 2 years before.

Jasmine and I are close and she was the other bubbly personality in the house. When she left for school in Toronto, the house did feel very quiet. No more singing at all volumes, no more musicals playing, no more friends coming to hang out, no one asking me to paint nails or go shopping. I took for granted how much we did together and how nice it was having another female in the house. It also just happened to be bad timing as Covid was still running rampant and so the boys and I were isolated here and she was isolated there. Her first year of university was not the fun experience it should have been, she was not only robbed of the fun, but almost traumatized by the extent of the isolation. Imagine having to eat alone in your dorm room every day, for every meal for a year - just her and her phone. Anyhow, I felt very sad for her - gladly I report she has made it through the other side and graduates from Film Production this April. Woot, woot!

Eventually I got used to Jasmine not being around daily and having Facetime chats to catch up and visiting in person every 6 weeks or so. After Covid was all said and done, I would say all 4 of us took awhile to come back to life. It was not an easy transition. Most of us were depressed to a degree and in survival mode. We all did what had to be done, but not much else by the end of it all. As a teacher, I really wanted everything to go back to normal in the classrooms, but at my school, with my administration and school board it seemed some of the rules were changing. Not just social distancing rules, but what we could do to have fun. Everything seemed so limited all of a sudden and I don't know where it all came from, but liability seemed like the new favorite word. Planning field trips or fun events at school became more than a chore, it became almost impossible. I was being made to feel like my judgment was no longer sound. I felt no longer valued and I was frequently being "slapped on the hand" for stepping out of line. At this point, I actually did get depressed and eventually took a leave from work to get things right before it went too far. Ultimately this is what led to the decision to retire, and I wasn't alone, 4 other teachers left with me.

I haven't completely gotten over the anger from it all yet, but I have moved on and am happy to say I now remember why I always loved teaching and although it ended on a bit of a sour note with the administrative part of things, I still loved being in my classroom with the kids until the very end.

What is left to talk about, oh yes, the boys. A big part of having launched the birds, is reconnecting with your spouse. Jay and I are very much enjoying this part. He has not yet retired, but is still enjoying work and plans to work for a few more years. In the meantime, I am not venting his ear off all the time. I try to have the house in good shape, the meals cooked and such to make his life a bit easier, but mostly we are enjoying each others company and remembering why we love each other so much. We each have our own hobbies and interests so we can stay out of each others hair when we need to and we have enough overlap to spend quality time together watching a few shows, doing a puzzle, going for walks or out on small adventures. We are both feeling blessed right now and enjoying this stage.

So that only leaves Devin, and honestly, he is a bit of an anomaly to me at this phase still. He is in his second year of computer science at Carleton University and living in dorm. He just turned 19 years old and my best guess is the hormones are still running on full tilt. He is an introvert for sure and as he states he has a short social battery. I think his shortest "battery life" is however with me, his mom. Is this because I am his safe place - yes, I tell myself that because otherwise I may not make it through this stage, but truly I am the one where he doesn't have to put on a show. I, his mom, have done too good of a job letting this kid know I will unconditionally love him. And as I have many mom friends with teens this age, I know I am not alone in this, but that doesn't make it a fun journey all the time. All that said, I am 100% proud of this kid and what he has accomplished. He is living in dorm, cooking his own meals, doing his own laundry, applying for co-op jobs, making friends, keeping his grades above a B and unfortunately fighting a lot of illness - colds, flu and vomiting.... so much vomiting, poor kid has a weak stomach and everything seems to set it off. He is honest to a fault, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke or vape or do drugs- he is a good kid and he is figuring it out. And one day, hopefully soon, he will have a wee bit more patience for his mom who is loving him in the only way she knows how (by making sure he is on top of his life, super annoying I am sure).

This is my Quirky Family and not so little anymore "birds". Jasmine graduates university this year and will be full on adulting and Devin is looking for his first Co-op placement in computer science.

All in all the transition for me has been fairly smooth, having the kids leave was by far the hardest part. Letting go of the day to day knowledge of what is going on with my kids and feeling like I have very little control over what will happen now is hard. I have to have faith that I did a good job up until now and that they know what to do and why, but that is easier said than done. I turned 50 this year and have so much left that I want to learn, do and try in my life... the journey is just beginning. I hope you follow me through it.